I must make a confession. Even though I am a Certified Fitness Trainer with loads of nutrition/fitness/optimal wellness knowledge, I do not always do what I need to do to live a life of optimal health. I do not always practice “clean” eating. I eat foods that are not good for me. Gasp! I do not always exercise as much as I need to in order to wear the size of clothing I want to, look the way I like to, and to have the best health I can.  How can this be? I am a fitness trainer! I am a nutrition coach! I am knowledgeable. Well, I am also human.

For me, 2009 was a very challenging year. There were moments of amazing beauty and experiences of life-affirming coolness. But, there was also an incredible amount of stress and difficulty. The three horsemen of the apocalypse in terms of stress/tough times/life-plan derailing challenges visited me last year: the end of a long-term relationship, continuing health issues of the chronic-autoimmune variety, and financial woes. So, 2009 was a dark period as a dear friend likes to say.

As a result, last year I did not practice always as I preach. The shame. I allowed stress and fatigue to dictate poor choices. The horror. I did not always follow my own good advice. The hypocrisy.

And the result of these “failings” is that I regained a fair amount of the weight I had  lost triumphantly a couple years ago which inspired a second career (fitness/nutrition coach) and the launch of a new business (TRAIN-U-FIT).  Much self-flagellation, guilt and self-flogging ensued. This setback only served to weaken my resolve to live the new life I had begun on November 11, 2007 (my first day of the bootcamp training that introduced me to a different world and triggered the above-mentioned life-altering decisions).  How sad.

So, I felt that the only proper thing to do was to confess these things here in my blog. To be truthful and transparent. To stand in my truth no matter how uncomfortable it is. I am human. This thing I pursue (optimal wellness and physical fitness) is not an all or nothing proposition. It is a journey. It is something I must dedicate myself to every day. It is a process. And I cannot expect perfection of  myself, only progress. In order to release myself from my frustration, guilt and the prison of self-criticism, I am posting this confession. Maybe someone else who has been struggling with their weight or desire to be physically fit will chance upon my words and breath a little sigh of relief. I’m not alone. 

Even if no one reads this, the mere act of writing these words has released me a little bit. Reminded me that it is progress, not perfection that matters.  Here at the beginning of 2010, I am resolving (but not making a resolution – to be blogged about later) to get back on track. Get with the program. Be who I want to be. Remember that I just have to be me, not perfect.

Do you have a confession to make? Has there been a detour on your journey? Leave a comment and share your story.